


Bad Liar

by impilusa



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, M/M, Mpreg, Sebaek - Freeform, Twins, broken relationship, i'm a pretty dramatic bitch, noren are their children, redacted with my fingertoes, songfic of imagine dragon's song -bad liar, talk about divorce, they are in pain, they are married actually, you.suffer.with.me.thanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 05:43:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impilusa/pseuds/impilusa
Summary: BaekHyun wanted to convince himself of many things, but deep down he knew that he was a bad liar. Even with himself.





	1. Crocodile Tears

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Bad Liar](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/441602) by impilusa. 



> This is actually a translation of my works -as usual kkk- so if you see that is like tarzan wrote it, now you know why.  
> ALSO, listen to the song Bad Liar - Imagine Dragons because it's inspired and based in that one ok.  
> Nothing else to say, bai bai.

[Watch this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a40XLhSUREo)

_Hush, my dear, It's been a difficult year_

  _And terrors don’t prey on innocent victims_

  _Trust me darlin’, trust me darlin’_  


***

 

Baekhyun was taken with one hand with RenJun and with the other with JeNo. Their children were restless, very restless, as they walked to Sehun’s apartment. It was Friday and the two of them had to spend the whole weekend with their father, but today they looked very anxious, as if they wanted to separate from Baekhyun and at the same time not, although they didn’t want to tell him what happened when he asked them one hour before they leave the house.  
  
However, Baekhyun suspected that it was because of something he did not really want to believe: that his children had seen the divorce papers or heard the conversation he had with his lawyer. They were not old enough to understand what it meant, right? They were only nine years old. Although it was true that they had gone through a lot during these last months and that they probably matured by force. Baekhyun admired them, because in spite of everything, they had always kept a smile on their faces and they did not stop loving them even after all the horrible situations that he and SeHun made them go through.  
  
The year was hard, perhaps the hardest of their lives. With luck, Christmas and New Year would soon come, and finally everything would end. The hope of a new year calmed Baekhyun a bit in his heart. A new year involved new things like leaving behind a stage of his life, even though he knew there was no difference other than the name of the month and the number of the year in the calendar.  
  
But Baekhyun was looking forward to that change. He was very tired to continue with all that.

“We'll stop seeing dad?”, RenJun asked in a tiny voice, when the building where Sehun now lived appeared a block away. He stirred in his hand, restless, and BaekHyun felt him shudder. “When you sign the divorce, will we not see him more?”  
  
Well, _great_. Just what he did not want them to know.

“You said you were going to have our tenancy. What is that? Are we going to be forbidden to see dad?” JeNo asked this time with his sharp little voice.  
  
Baekhyun sighed and stopped his walk. The children imitated him, and turned to see him when he knelt on the floor without letting go of his hand. Both were dressed in long suede coats and looked tender and beautiful with their respective hats. Baekhyun tried to make the image calm him down so he would not say anything that could hurt his children, because stress was consuming him lately to the point of being somewhat bitter and grumpy, rarely measuring his words.  
  
"Listen, your dad is going through a very difficult time," Baekhyun explained, searching for the right words. "SeHun is sick and that's why I can not be with him, and because of that, he can not take care of you either."  
  
"But you're going to leave us with him all weekend," RenJun said, not understanding. He was the most suspicious of the two twins.  
  
"Yes, but it's just for the weekend, InJunnie," BaekHyun replied. How did he explain the situation? He was not ready for that. "Nothing is going to change to what it is now, it's just that we have to sign some papers to confirm that we will continue to do... this."

“Why do you have to sign the papers? What is the difference?”, asked JeNo.  
  
“It is just something that must be done, a legality for the authorities. Your dad will see you on the weekends and you will stay with him, as you have been doing lately”.  
  
“Is his disease contagious?” RenJun asked. “Is that why we can’t spend much time with him?”.  
  
BaekHyun pursed his lips. “No, it's not contagious”.  
  
“Then why can not we spend more time with him?” JeNo insisted.  
  
“Because your father can not take care of them for a long time”. BaekHyun stood up, unwilling to continue explaining this to his children, and forced them to walk back by tugging at his hands. “You do not have to worry much about this, little ones”.  
  
“Is that why dad cries at night?” JeNo said with a little voice. “Because he’s sick?”  
  
Baekhyun's heart sank.

"I do not know," he murmured, lowering his eyes to the little black haired little man who was watching him with wide eyes. His resemblance to SeHun was overwhelming. “Probably it is because of his illness: it makes him very sad. That is why he can not take care of them, because if he is sad, then he can not make you happy”.  
  
“But he makes me and NeNo happy!” RenJun interrupted, tugging at his hand. “Daddy always buys pizza and plays with us at FIFA! Dad makes us happy! Besides, crying is not bad, NeNo cries all the time and he isn’t sick.”  


“I do not cry all the time!” JeNo complained, throwing an offended look at his twin.  
  
"He cries and he is not sick, you cry too and you are not sick. Sehun's thing is different, it's difficult to solve, but you should not worry too much about that now,” Baekhyun murmured. Just at that moment, the three of them arrived at the front door of Sehun’s building, so Baekhyun decided to cut off the chatter. "Look, right now I have to leave you at your father's house, but I promise you that when I pick you up on Monday, I will explain you better everything you want to ask me. What do you think?". It was obvious that they were going to forget it, or at least he prayed for it to be so. He could not have this talk right now, or ever. It burned his insides.

"Well," RenJun said, and his brother accompanied the response with a nod. Baekhyun opened the door after letting go of their hands and they hurried to enter the hall of the building. He thought he heard RenJun whisper, "You should not have told him that dad cries, it was supposed to be our secret."  
  
"I hate secrets!", JeNo exclaimed.

RenJun pinched him on the arm and they fell silent as they ran up the stairs.  
  
"Do not hurry up or you'll stumble!"  
  
"Yes, dad," the twins said, but they practically disappeared from his sight at the speed of light by the time he went up to the first floor.  
  
BaekHyun sighed and followed them as they climbed the stairs, listening to the echo of their footsteps and the whispers now indecipherable.

For BaekHyun, that was the hardest part of coming to SeHun's apartment: the stairs. Not because it would cost him an effort to go up, but because it was like coming up step by step to a hell he wanted to avoid.

The depression in which Sehun had sunk after the sudden death of his older brother had deteriorated their marriage to the point where they had to separate. The children could not watch them fight all the time, and that was the main reason why they decided to go different ways. Although they tried to keep everything right between them, SeHun was uncontrollable with his depression, even though he was medicated. BaekHyun reached a point where he could no longer stand the situation. Not only Sehun was doing bad to BaekHyun but to the children and SeHun finally agreed to move.  
  
However, that was not the worst of all.  
  
The horrible thing about it was seeing SeHun well. His department was always impeccable and Baekhyun always saw him with a smile on his face. That hurt him even more than anything else, because he could not tell if it was just a mask. He did not want to ask how he was, because he always received the same evasive response. And since his doubt was never resolved, he could not muster the courage to give Sehun the news he had been keeping for himself for three long months, just as he did not dare ask for another opportunity.

No pardon.  
  
JeNo and RenJun knocked on the door even before he reached the landing. SeHun was already appearing on the frame by the time he finally reached the floor.  
  
"Oh, God, my two favorite footballers, look how tall you are!"  
  
"Daddy!"  
  
The children embraced their father with an overflowing emotion that moved Baekhyun, while the small backpacks that they carried on their backs bounced around. You could tell they missed him. Baekhyun's throat tightened at the sight of that scene. He also missed him, and he wanted them to be a family again. However, now he had the divorce papers in his backpack, and no pardon speech on the tip of his tongue.  
  
It was pitiful.

SeHun had suggested the divorce, in fact. It emerged in the middle of a heated discussion over the phone two weeks ago, and BaekHyun thought it was the most viable option to solve their problems and have a legal basis in everything they did. But seeing now his husband hugging their children with such devotion, weakened his conviction on the subject divorce.  
  
He dug his hands in the pockets of his coat while swinging on his feet, waiting to have a talk with SeHun; but he was very engaged discussing Chelsea's last game with his fanatical sons of European football to have a few words with him.  
  
SeHun looked good, with his ripped jeans and a black shirt with an Iron Maiden print. His ash blonde hair was still as impeccable as ever, inviting Baekhyun to mess it up. Although, obviously, he did not.

"Why do not you go inside and let me chat a minute with your father?", asked SeHun.  
  
"Okay," RenJun agreed, being seconded by his twin. They both came to hug Baekhyun, whose eyes filled with tears because of how hard the situation was. Shit, this should not happen. "Until Monday, dad.”  
  
“See you on Monday. I hope you behave well", Baekhyun said in a choked voice, returning the hug to them. "I love you both.”

They left after kissing him on the cheek and finally the adults were left alone in the hall while they watched their children go inside the apartment, both without saying a word. Nothing they said would be appropriate at that moment.  
  
BaekHyun wanted to give him the divorce papers, but when SeHun finally laid eyes on him with that anguished and melancholy look, as if BaekHyun were a latent extension of his heart, he decided it might be better to come another day without the twins.  
  
"Hello," SeHun said when his children entered the apartment.  
  
"Hello ...", answered BaekHyun, unable to prevent his voice from coming out in anguish. He was having a hard internal debate and the document in his backpack radiated a heat that burned his back.  
  
"I was wondering if on Tuesday I could pick up the children after school to take them to the zoo."

Baekhyun felt anxious for no reason.  
  
"But it’s cold."  
  
"There will be sun on Tuesday and a mild climate is announced," SeHun replied, smiling kindly.  
  
Baekhyun pursed his lips and nodded, shifting the weight on his legs. The distance from where he was to where Sehun was was three meters, and that was perfect; because he knew that if he came closer he would throw himself into SeHun's arms to stroke his hair and ask him to tell him about those nights when he cried.  
  
"You could come with us if you want, don’t you have frank Tuesdays?" SeHun said when he saw that BaekHyun did not say anything.  
  
"I can’t, I have a commitment." Nor is it as if he really wanted to spend time with him, it was going to be so strange. He settled down better in the place. "How are you going with... the treatment?"  
  
"Surprisingly good," SeHun commented, suddenly looking very animated. "I still have some relapses, but..."

"Look, I do not want to be rude, but if you relapse then it's not going as well as you say," interrupted Baekhyun. SeHun remained silent while his expression became somber. “The children have told me that you cry at nights. Is that true?”

"Daddy, come see this!" RenJun yelled from inside.  
  
SeHun grimaced and took the doorknob.  
  
"I think children need me."  
  
Yup, he was avoiding him with impudence. He was not going to answer the question. BaekHyun was tempted to give him the divorce papers right then and there.  
  
"Goodbye, BaekHyun."  
  
And he simply slammed the door in his face, without waiting for an answer.  
  
BaekHyun stroked his belly over his coat and resisted the urge to cry. Why did things have to be like that?

  
***  


_It’s been a loveless year_

_I'm a man of three fears_

_Integrity, faith and crocodile tears_

_Trust me, darlin', trust me, darlin'_

 

_***_

 

 

"JeNo, come and put on sunscreen right now!"  
  
"But dad, it's winter," his son complained from the other side of the bathroom door.  
  
"Open now Oh JeNo, unless you want to see me furious."  
  
The door was unlocked and his nine-year-old son appeared with a guilty and vulnerable expression.  
  
"Face, now," he ordered, smearing his hands with sunscreen.  
  
RenJun watched the funny scene a meter away, somehow pleased to see his brother suffering like this. RenJun never had problems with creams and anything that was related to skin care, and instead, JeNo ran away from all that. Hopefully Baekhyun would get the child to let him put sunscreen on.

"I once insolated in the middle of the winter," BaekHyun explained to JeNo, catching the sulky child's attention. He was so like Sehun when he got angry that Baekhyun's chest ached to see him. "I put sunscreen on you because it's not like the sun takes vacations in winter, it can always hurt your skin."  
  
"I thought that in winter you could not burn your skin," JeNo murmured as he closed his eyes, accepting the cream on his nose.  
  
"It's the other way around: when it's cloudy, the sun is even more dangerous."  
  
JeNo nodded, pleased with the response, and finally freed himself from his father's creamy hands.  
  
"Why aren’t you coming with us to the zoo?" RenJun asked when BaekHyun moved in the hallway towards him to apply cream to his face.  
  
"Because... I have an engagement."  
  
"What is that?" JeNo questioned, going to his brother's side to see BaekHyun.  
  
"It means that I have my time occupied because I have to do something with a person."  
  
"You are engaged?"  
  
"Not in the sense of marriage, it's like a date," he clarified, not to confuse them anymore.

The two children stood watching him in silence. BaekHyun felt extremely restless.  
  
"I thought if you were married you could not have dates," JeNo said after what seemed like an eternity to Baekhyun.  
  
“It's not a romantic date. I'm just meeting with someone.”  
  
“Are you going to replace dad?”, RenJun asked with tears in his eyes. Baekhyun's heart broke to see himself reflected in those watery eyes.  
  
The only thing that saved him from the disaster was that the doorbell rang. He supposed he could leave the conversation for later. Surely the children forgot the subject.

“Your father arrived, go open him.”  
  
JeNo and RenJun went down the hallway leaving BaekHyun alone, kneeling on the floor while looking for a way to keep to himself the hot tears that threatened to escape from his eyes.

  


***

 

_So look me in the eyes, tell me what you see_

_Perfect paradise, tearin' at the seams_

 

***

 

" _I look fat_ ", Baekhyun complained in front of the mirror.  
  
SeHun sat better on the bed and made eye contact in the mirror.  
  
" _Baby, you have two soccer players in there, it's obvious that you're going to be fat_ ."  
  
" _Not the answer I expected_ ", he mumbled.  
  
SeHun laughed and stood up behind him in the mirror, hugging him gently around the waist and rocking their bodies carefully, their cheeks together as SeHun rested his chin on Baekhyun's shoulder.  
  
“ _You look beautiful just like you are, Baekhyun. And I would not change anything about you_ .”  
  
BaekHyun smiled at the SeHun in the mirror, he returned the smile. And they stayed like this, swaying in silence, as if their favorite song was playing in the background and accompanying them in their little bubble of happiness.

 

***  
  
I wish I could escape  
  
I don’t wanna fake it  
  
***  


 

"Yes, that's how you do it!" shouted SeHun when JeNo stopped a ball from the other team, clapping along with the other parents just as excited as him. "Very good, JeNo!"  
  
His son smiled satisfied, and, in fact, that was the last last play before the game ended. The children gathered in the center of the field, the two teams greeted each other and finally they went to their parents to drink water and be congratulated - or receive consolation. SeHun had a huge smile as he watched the twins walk towards him. RenJun scored two goals and JeNo had stopped almost everything.  
  
"You were great, really," he said to both of them, ruffling their hair. Their cheeks were crimson red from adrenaline and excitement. "RenJun, that goal from outside the area was impressive! And JeNo, that last kick! Your father would go crazy if ...!". He stopped half-talking, feeling an involuntary pressure in his chest.  
  
"Can we call dad to tell him?" JeNo asked, oblivious to SeHun's anguish. RenJun, on the other hand, looked at him suspiciously.  
  
He nodded, unable to say anything, and took his cell phone to give it to the little boy with black hair.  
  
"Why didn’t daddy come?" RenJun asked when JeNo was focused looking for BaekHyun's contact. "He said he was going to come with you.”  
  
"BaekHyun called me today in the morning to tell me he was sick and that he was not coming, but I did not want to tell you before the game."  
  
"Sick? But he says the same about you," RenJun replied.

SeHun smiled and pulled him into a hug.  
  
"He is sick because of pregnancy, he probably had nausea or something like that."  
  
"Did he already tell you that he is pregnant?"  
  
"No, he has not," replied SeHun, smiling at him kindly. He brushed wet hair from the perspiration on his forehead and gave him a small kiss there. "You should not worry, I know soon he will."  
  
"And will we be a happy family again?" JeNo questioned, joining the conversation while fiddling with the phone. A distressed look was on his face. "I miss when you were together, I want you to come back to live with us, dad."

"I know, I miss you too, but your dad needs time to accept some things. I can not push him because then it could be worse."  
  
"You already said it, but how long do we have to wait?" RenJun complained, tugging at the neat white t-shirt that Seun had put on.  
  
"Yes, how long?" insisted JeNo. "I'm tired of the secrets! And RenJun pinches me a lot when I'm about to say something!"  
  
"You're so easy mouth", RenJun growled. SeHun watched them, amused. "You're always about to say something about the baby, and you're not supposed to know!"  
  
"It's not my fault that you don’t know how to keep secrets!"  
  
"You don’t know how to keep them either!"  
  
"Well, well, calm down," interrupted SeHun, separating the children. He patted their heads and they looked at him, sulking. "Why do not we stop fighting over this and go have an ice cream?"  
  
"Okay," said the twins in unison.  
  
Twenty minutes later, the twins were back in the van and SeHun was taking them to an ice cream parlor. They were singing a catchy song on the radio until RenJun interrupted.  
  
"You still love dad, right?"  
  
SeHun smiled at him in the rearview mirror.


	2. Bad Liar

 

BaekHyun knocked twice the door of SeHun's apartment, and waited. He waited, waited and waited, but seeing that SeHun did not attend he decided to use his key to open it.  
  
He definitely did not expect to see that.   
  
A wave of panic and anguish lashed his whole body and made him tremble as he took careful steps to the sofa, where Sehun slept. Everything around him was a mess, with furniture thrown away, torn magazines and crooked frames.   
  
As if they were suffering.   
  
As if they represented SeHun's pain.   
  
Instead of waking his husband, BaekHyun started cleaning around after putting a blanket over SeHun’s body. He swept the papers, arranged the furniture and placed the ornaments that had not been broken in their original place. He put the paintings as they were before the disaster. He prepared something for him to eat and put it in the refrigerator.   
  
And, before leaving, he left the divorce papers on the table in the living room.

  
  
_"It is not for you to sign them now, because there is no hurry. But I think we should consider it. Read it with a lawyer, because there’s also the possession of NeNo and InJunnie involved._   
_  
_PS: I made you dinner"

 

"I'm sorry," he told SeHun after writing that down on a note he left next to the wooden envelope, as if he were going to hear it.  
  
But the antidepressants kept him asleep.

  


***

_Did all my dreams never mean one thing?_

_Does happiness lie in a diamond ring?_

***

 

 

BaekHyun always had dreams and longings, but the one he wanted most of all to be fulfilled was "a happy family". And yes, he knew it was silly, because reality is never so flat and there are many factors that can prevent that happiness.  
  
However, he had been happy, perhaps too much, when SeHun proposed to him with that beautiful ring that had a small diamond in it. BaekHyun could spend hours and hours observing the little ring, as if his whole world was reduced to that.   
  
But he was even happier when he was told he was pregnant with twins.   
  
God, he had been immensely happy during that time, and he would have given everything to go back. But he could not. SeHun was sick and they could not stay together. SeHun needed help from professionals, and BaekHyun could not contribute anything to cure him. His illness affected the entire environment and there was nothing the twins or he could do to help him, so it was best that BaekHyun asked him to move.

Yes, separated was better.  
  
Now it was only necessary that BaekHyun convinced of this and that he did not want to go to the apartment every time to be with SeHun, ask him not to think about signing the papers, to put back the ring that hung from his chain and to tell him how much I loved him while he made love to him.   
  
He just could not go back, it would not be good for either of them. Not even for his daughter not born.   
  
"Dad, can I sleep here tonight?" whispered one of the twins from the door. It was three in the morning and he, in fact, had not managed to stick an eye either.   
  
Because of the disheveled silhouette of him, Baekhyun knew it was RenJun. JeNo never ruffled his hair, even when he slept. In that, he was equal to SeHun.   
  
A twinge of anguish in his chest reminded him that it was better not to think about his husband now.

"Yes, little one, come here," he said.  
  
RenJun reached the bed and quickly wrapped himself inside, snuggling against Baekhyun's side. They were silent, and he felt it caress his bulging belly without saying anything.   
  
"Your father can not know, RenJun," he whispered, suddenly feeling an overwhelming desire to cry.   
  
"You already said it, dad, but he would be very happy, and NeNo too, we'll have a little sister!"   
  
BaekHyun was not sure that SeHun was going to be happy to know that he was going to have a daughter.

“Let’s keep the secret for now, okay? We’ll give them the surprise later.”

RenJun yawned and pressed closer to him.  
  
"Well, but I hope it happens soon, because I miss Dad and I want you to be okay too."   
  
Baekhyun did not know what to answer, but RenJun fell asleep after a few moments. In part it was a relief because he should not evade the subject; but anyways, it did not make him calm down.   
  
He felt like a complete shit.

  


***

_I wage my war, on the world inside_

_I take my gun to the enemy's side_

_Oh, I've been askin’ for problems_

***

 

"I'm coming!" Sehun shouted from inside the apartment.  
  
When he opened, he only wore a towel around his waist and his hair dropped drops of water that slid down his bare torso. BaekHyun looked at them warily.   
  
"Baekhyun? What are you doing here?" He asked.   
  
Baekhyun swallowed. "I came to talk."   
  
SeHun watched him silently, looking at him from head to toe. Baekhyun wanted to disappear, and it was not because he was wearing badly because he wore a wood-colored faux fur coat and loose jeans. No, it was not because of that. It was because SeHun was half naked and scanning him with his eyes.

In that same moment, he knew he should leave. He was not going to be able to resist SeHun. No. Maybe he could come back another day and talk, when the situation...  
  
"Come in," said SeHun. "I'll go put on some clothes."   
  
Before he knew what he was doing, he was following SeHun's bare, wet back down the short hallway to the entrance. He closed the door behind him and took off his shoes, black hat and coat, leaving only a yellow sweatshirt big enough to hide his belly, although he wanted to get it out, too. It was very hot in the apartment, or at least that was what he wanted to believe, and not that it was actually his own body temperature that gave him that feeling.   
  
Baekhyun stood in the middle of the room not knowing what to do. Everything around him looked harmonious, there was nothing out of place. Some ornaments were missing, yes, but they were the ones that had been broken and that BaekHyun -unfortunately- had tried to fix.   
  
He pressed his lips, annoyed by the thought. He did not know why it bothered him that SeHun had removed the ornaments that he took two hours to fix. It was logical that he take them away, because they could break and the children, who came every weekend, could get hurt.

But that meant there was nothing else there that had BaekHyun's imprint more than the artisan frame that hung a picture of the four during the last Christmas.  
  
That really bothered him, and the worst thing was that he had no damn right to be that way. He had gone from Sehun's life and had thrown him from his with an intensity that had even frightened him. And now he had given SeHun the impression that he no longer wanted him in his life, even when deep inside ...   
  
"Well, I'm here," said SeHun, entering the room. He frowned when he saw him standing. "Why didn’t you sit down?"   
  
"I was just thinking," Baekhyun replied dryly. He went and sat in the only chair that had two seats.   
  
"Do you want something to drink?"   
  
"No, I'm fine Thank you." BaekHyun settled down better when he saw the unsealed envelope on the table. "Haven’t you seen it yet?"

“I know what's inside, Baekhyun, I do not need to look to know." Sehun went to sit next to him on the couch, their bodies were not touching, but Baekhyun was too aware of the closeness between them. "You told me you would give me time to think about it".  
  
"Yes, yes, I did not come to press you." He took his hands so they would stop shaking, "In fact, I didn't even come to talk about it."   
  
"Then what?". SeHun looked surprised.   
  
"I just thought... it would be good to clarify things between us."   
  
"I thought it was all clear," SeHun replied, his tone was monotonous, his gaze was fixed on the envelope over the table. "You already told me what you wanted to say when I moved, remember?"

  


***

_So look me in the eyes,_

_Tell me what you see_

***

 

" _You're leaving_ ," Baekhyun said incredulously, watching Sehun pack everything in his travel suitcase.   
  
SeHun shook his shoulders bitterly when he let out a broken laugh, and BaekHyun wished he could get close and rub his back to reassure him. Only he could not, because in fact he had asked him to leave a couple of days ago.   
  
" _I've got a hotel room, my old apartment will not be available until the end of the month_ ," Sehun replied.   
  
" _All right._ "   
  
SeHun tensed for a moment, but then continued with his task. He put clothes like crazy in his suitcase.   
  
" _All right?_ " Said SeHun, with his back to him, " _Is that all you have to tell me?_ "   
  
" _What do you want me to tell you?_ " Baekhyun questioned, feeling his stomach churning, " _What the fuck do you want me to say, Oh Sehun?_ "   
  
" _I don’t know,_ " Sehun growled, throwing his clothes towards the suitcase, " _you tell me_ ."   
  
" _Look at me!_ " Baekhyun demanded after a few moments, approaching him and taking him by the shoulders so that he turned around, " _What do you want me to say, Sehun? Do you want me to ask you to stay?_ "

" _No, no, we both know that this is the best,_ " SeHun answered immediately.   
  
" _So what?_ " he questioned, with a lump in his throat that almost did not allow him to speak. He felt his legs tremble under the gaze of his husband, the imposing figure in front of him that he loved so much and that he now had to let go. " _What do you want to hear from me, SeHun?_ "   
  
The man was frozen looking at him. But he quickly took BaekHyun from his wrists and pulled them to his chest, almost hitting their bodies and faces. His look was pleading.   
  
" _Tell me that this will not end here, tell me that you still love me, Baekhyun, and I promise that I will try to do everything possible to improve and be with you again,_ " he said.   
  
" _You can’t promise anything of that_ ," Baekhyun whispered. " _You’re sick_ ."   
  
_"I can’t promise that, that's true, but I can try to improve._ " SeHun stroked his wrists very gently. " _It's been a very hard year, I know we've distanced ourselves too much because of my fault, and my brother's death did not help me, but, baby, tell me you still love me,_ " he pleaded with an almost inaudible voice, " _and that the few times we made love in this last time, it was with sincerity._ "   
  
BaekHyun took a deep breath, lost in the dark eyes of his husband. His heart was beating at exorbitant speeds and he almost did not let him think.   
  
" _No, SeHun._ " He took a deep breath, knowing he would regret the moment the words left his lips, but let them go. " _I don’t love you anymore._ "

  


***

_Perfect paradise,_

_Tearin’ at the seams_

_***_

 

" _So, do you feel that Sehun's move helped the situation improve?_ ”, asked the psychologist.   
  
His appointment on Tuesday was Dr. Kim JunMyeon, and the previous Tuesday, and the previous, and the previous ... BaekHyun went and talked about all his insecurities and problems with the only person who did not guarantee a solution, but some Attentive ears and a sympathetic tone of voice. Someone who, in fact, was not going to judge him for his cowardice.   
  
" _Partly yes,_ " he replied, fiddling with the edge of his coat without looking at the psychologist, feeling some tickling inside because the baby was just beginning to move, "b _ecause his bad vibes left home, I suppose,_ " he murmured with the frown. " _But on the other hand, no, it did not help, I miss him and I feel miserable without him, the children ask all the time for Sehun, too, it's not enough for them to see him a few days a week. And even if I have already explained the situation to the twins, I know it's not easy for them._ ”

 _"You told me last week that you would take the divorce papers to Sehun. Have you done it?_ "   
  
" _I left them at his table,_ " Baekhyun answered in a choked voice. " _When I arrived, he was knocked out by the medication and it seemed as if a hurricane had passed through his apartment. SeHun, huh, has serious problems. His illness is very serious. Maybe he will never heal. And that's why I do not want to tell him about the baby. He will get even worse._ "   
  
" _And how do you know that?_ " JunMyeon asked.   
  
Baekhyun shrugged.   
  
" _I just feel it._ " He licked his lips and looked at the psychologist. " _And what do you think? Can you be critical about my situation?"_   
  
" _I don't think it's appropriate_ ", replied the doctor.   
  
Baekhyun shook his head.

“ _I don’t care. I really need to know. Please. I do not need you to tell me as my psychologist, but as a person who has been listening to me talk and talk about all this._ ”   
  
He remained silent while Kim JunMyeon removed his silver-framed glasses and left them hanging from the V-neck of his sweater.   
  
BaekHyun started to sweat cold when the man gave him a serious look.   
  
_"I'm finished with this session,_ " JunMyeon declared. " _This is my opinion, and I do not want you to feel obligated to anything I will say now. Okay?_ "   
  
" _Yes_ ."   
  
He swallowed. Maybe he was not, but he was not going to lean back.

“ _BaekHyun, I understand your position. You're really scared, but you're pretty ... how to say it?_ ”. He leaned a little forward in his chair. " _Closed, that, you're closed-minded, I think you're afraid your husband has a mental illness, but it's curable, Baekhyun. His brother died, he abandoned Sehun's life forever. Then he got depressed and the truth is that he needs support. He needs to feel loved. Since he was diagnosed with depression, you have only walked away from him, and you have taken him away from his children. It's as if all his loved ones had left him all at once, and I would not be surprised if he were even more depressed wondering what he's done so badly for everyone to leave him. You have not even been able to tell him that he is soon to be the father of a beautiful baby._ "   
  
BaekHyun realized that he was crying only when his nose was covered and he had to sip hard. Every bone in his body ached. His heart was beating at full speed, realizing reality. He had been so determined to protect himself from Sehun, when in reality he had to protect his husband from the demons he had, that he did not realize that he had hurt him even more.

" _If you love him so much and if you really want him to get better, you could start leaving the children with him more time; I'm sure he misses you as much as you miss him. SeHun will feel much more motivated knowing that you three want him in your lives again, and that you, BaekHyun, are willing to fight for your family. Also it will be good letting him know that you all will endure this harsh process with him, that you will give him your support as his family, that you will not abandon him just for being sick and having a bad streak, and obviously, that you love him._ ”   
  
" _I... I told him I do not love him anymore_ ," Baekhyun replied in a choked cry.   
  
" _Then go with him and fix it, Baekhyun, tell him how much you love him and how much you want him back with you._ "

 

 

_***_

_I wish I could escape,_

_I don’t wanna fake it_

_I wish I could erase it,_

_Make your heart believe_

_***_

  


"I remember everything about that night, SeHun," BaekHyun whispered back into reality, sinking into the chair. Every night I think about that.  
  
SeHun took a deep breath.   
  
"Why are you telling me this now?", he asked.   
  
"Because... I've thought a lot about everything: how I've kicked you out of our life, how I've practically taken children away from you, how I pulled you away from us."   
  
He stared at Sehun. His dark blond hair due to the wetness of the shower was the only thing he could think about, because he wanted to caress it, for months he had not touched it and an urgent need to do so burned inside him.

"If there's something I really regret right now, it's that I lied to you that night, I was scared, Sehun, since everything started going badly between us, I just wanted to get away from all of that, I did not want to deal with your problems, and That makes me a shit person. " He bit his lip, searching for the right words to say. "We were supposed to be in this together, and I screwed up in every way possible: I did not give you my support, I took the children away from you, I treated you very badly for the fact that you are sick, and I abandoned you.  
I pretended that I was disgusted with you, that I did not want you back. I lied to you, and I tried to make you believe that I didn't really love you so you could leave. It's true. I should not have done it and now I would like to be able to erase all my mistakes, but I know I have no forgiveness, that you probably do not love me anymore, and much less want to try with me again."   
  
SeHun's face had contracted in a grimace of anguish, as if he were about to cry. Baekhyun stepped closer to him on the couch and took his hands in despair, unable to believe that he was really doing it: he was telling him the fucking truth.

  
  


_***_

_But I’m a bad liar, bad liar_

_now you know, now you know_

_That I’m a bad liar, bad liar_

_Now you know, you’re free to go_

***

 

"I'm not going to lie to you, I'm scared to death right now, and you know how stubborn and closed I can be sometimes." Baekhyun let out a bitter laugh. "Also, there's something I haven’t told you and kept hidden from you."  
  
His jaw trembled during those seconds of silence in which SeHun did not move even a hair. Seeing that he was not going to say anything, Baekhyun took a big breath, and spoke: "I'm pregnant."   
  
A smile exploded on SeHun's lips as tears welled up in his eyes. Before realizing it, his husband was encircling him by the shoulders and he sunk BaekHyun to his chest in a deep embrace, leaving kisses on his head with a love that made Baekhyun shake from head to toe. He melted against SeHun’s body, trembling with the amount of emotions that shook him like an earthquake, and he loved it, he loved every fucking second of sharing with SeHun all his thoughts.

"I've missed you so much, Baekhyun, you do not make yourself a damn thought," the man whispered in a choked voice. "I love you with my soul and never, even if you went to the other side of the planet, I would stop loving you, because you are the person with whom I chose to spend the rest of my life and to whom I owe all my happiness, since you have given me to my two stars in this black sea."  
  
"I'm so sorry to get away from them, and... for not telling you about the baby” BaekHyun whispered.   
  
SeHun let out a small laugh, pulling him closer until BaekHyun practically sat astride his lap.   
  
"Did you really think that RenJun was going to keep a secret for so long?" SeHun questioned, caressing his cheeks and getting lost in BaekHyun's gaze. "Don’t you know your children?"

"Damn it," BaekHyun whispered, feeling even more tears escaping without permission. "I'm so sorry about this…”

"It's okay, it's over, you had your reasons for not saying it." BaekHyun nodded, unable to say anything. "Now we're fine, and good heavens, it makes me so happy you told me, I was dying to do this," he said before raising Baekhyun's sweatshirt without warning, revealing his bulging belly with the Silky golden skin glistening under the lowlights of the room.  
  
And, as if it were the most valuable treasure in the universe, SeHun kissed his belly and left soft caresses on every inch of his skin. Then, as if it had been a spell of some kind, all the clothes that separated them disappeared, until only the two of them and their heavy breathing remained. Their kisses said "I missed you" and the caresses, "I love you".

BaekHyun could not stop crying while making love with SeHun, uniting their bodies, their souls, becoming one with him again. Even if they had to go through hell together, the conviction that burned between them would protect them.  
  
With each passing moment, they became stronger.   
  
With every truth that was revealed, they armored themselves, making themselves bulletproof.   
  
They were going to make it through, there was no doubt.   
  
They would do it, together.


End file.
